i think my tv is drunk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
