can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
