Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
