I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
