Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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