You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
