the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
