Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
