Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
