Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
