Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
