He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
