The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
