All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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