she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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