If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
