watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
