Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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