Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
