Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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