I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
