Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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