have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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