Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
