Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
