Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
