Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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