would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
