I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
