Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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