Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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