Cold hands, warm shart.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The adults are the big ones right?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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