I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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