So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"