I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
