On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
