I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel