How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.