rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
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NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.