hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.