i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
high people should be assigned attendants
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
