I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
