the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
