Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
