Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
