Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
