Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
