The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
