So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
