i just wanna soil my oats bro
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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