You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
