Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
