So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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