Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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