ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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