just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
