Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
