Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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