shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
