I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
