you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
