I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
