I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
