So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You're like the curious george of whores
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
