grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
