So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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