All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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