i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
