my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
