he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
