So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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