We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
